Have you ever tried to talk to someone who wasn't paying attention to you? You able to tell? Have you ever imagined landing the space shuttle while you were having a discussion and saw yourself nodding and grinning? You may add, expertly. And did it seem evident that you were in orbit?
The one communication skill we use the least—and least often—is listening. It is essential to upholding fulfilling connections with family, friends, and even coworkers, according to philosopher Martin Heidegger. What, though, is listening? We frequently hear something and name, categorize, and file it away before we even realize it. The fundamental principle of mindful listening is simply taking the time to experience what we are hearing in the present.
Effective Listening Requires Time
One of my mindfulness students and I recently discussed his motivation for enrolling in my program. He broke down in tears as he admitted that although he wants to foster a closer relationship with his wife, he finds it challenging to pay attention to her because his mind is constantly racing with other priorities.
He struggles with how to pay attention to her despite wanting to. The majority of us have trouble concentrating and keeping our attention for long. What transpires then when we find ourselves drawn time and time again to celebrity gossip, sports blunders, or fears, worries, and concerns that are out of our control? We can't really focus on numerous things at once, despite what we might like to think. Hence, it is practically difficult for me to effectively absorb both my emails and your monotonous, meaningless chatter when I'm formulating email responses in my thoughts while you are chatting to me. This is simply not how the brain works.
It takes time and effort to listen mindfully, and it's a talent that needs to be developed. the positive news You can improve your listening skills.
To become a better listener, you must make your intentions apparent. When you detect that you are losing yourself in your own thoughts when someone is speaking to you, take a breath, acknowledge your awareness by grinning, and return to active listening. That resembles coming back to your breath during meditation.
First, you need to have a clear intention to be a better listener. By doing so, you establish a frame of reference for self-checking, enabling you to recognize when you start to daydream during a conversation. After you become aware of what you are doing, take a moment to breathe, grin at yourself for noticing, and then return to actual listening. That resembles coming back to your breath during meditation. The main objective is to notice and come back to the present, exactly like in meditation. Your thoughts will wander, so keep returning to them.
You can work on having a more in-depth conversation once you've made the decision to listen. In order to truly listen, one must focus on both what the other person is saying and any nonverbal cues they may be using. The HEAR exercise (below) can aid in developing more in-depth listening abilities.
I guarantee you'll notice an immediate softness, openness, and connection when you pay someone your full attention for the very first time.
How to Practice Mindful Listening
How often do you discover you don't understand what your friend, lover, or coworker just said when you are having a conversation with them? If you're like most people, it occurs frequently and frequently every day. Our minds are frequently disorganized and chaotic since we live in a fast-paced world. Even if you are interested in what is being said, your thoughts are likely to be on something on your to-do list or in the past or future that is worrying you. One of my favorite workshop activities is a listening exercise when participants are paired up and instructed to listen to their partner for three minutes without making any comments while being completely "present." Most people finish the practice realizing how little they actually do listen because it is such a rare experience.
Similar to how we now recognize the value of regular exercise for maintaining excellent health, we may improve and develop our listening skills in order to practice mindful listening and make the most of our interpersonal connections. In any scenario that calls for listening, mindfulness—being completely present in each moment with kindness and without judgment—is a wonderful skill to cultivate. Being present with the speaker without interrupting, defending oneself, or feeling the need to constantly be right or have a point is the goal of mindful listening.
Be present: Mindful listening requires giving the speaker your full attention. This means avoiding distractions, such as checking your phone or thinking about other things while the speaker is talking. Try to be fully present in the moment and focused on what the speaker is saying.
Focus on the speaker: Paying attention to the speaker's body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions can help you gain a deeper understanding of what they are saying. This information can help you interpret the speaker's message more accurately and respond appropriately.
Listen to podcasts: Listening to podcasts can be a great way to improve your mindful listening skills. Podcasts on topics such as mindfulness, communication, and relationships can provide valuable insights and tips for how to practice mindful listening in your daily life. By regularly listening to great podcasts on these topics, you can deepen your understanding of mindful listening and become more proficient at it over time. Additionally, listening to podcasts can be a convenient and accessible way to learn, as you can listen to them while driving, exercising, or doing other activities.
Avoid judgment: Mindful listening requires an open-minded approach. Try to avoid jumping to conclusions or making assumptions about what the speaker is saying. Instead, approach the conversation with a sense of curiosity and a desire to understand the speaker's perspective.
Listen without interruption: Interrupting the speaker can be disruptive and can prevent them from fully expressing their thoughts and feelings. Allow the speaker to finish their thoughts before responding or asking questions.
Show empathy: Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. When practicing mindful listening, try to put yourself in the speaker's shoes and understand things from their perspective. This can help you respond with greater sensitivity and compassion.
Reflect back: Summarizing what the speaker said can help you ensure that you understood them correctly. This can also help the speaker feel heard and understood, which can improve communication and build trust.
Practice active listening: Engage with the speaker by asking thoughtful questions and showing that you are interested in what they have to say. Active listening involves paying attention, asking questions, and responding in a way that shows you are engaged in the conversation.
Stay calm: Mindful listening requires patience and the ability to remain calm, even if the speaker says something that may be difficult to hear. Try to maintain a sense of openness and curiosity, even if the conversation is challenging.
Be curious: Approach the conversation with a sense of curiosity and a desire to learn something new. Asking questions and seeking to understand the speaker's perspective can help you deepen your understanding of the topic at hand.
Practice regularly: Mindful listening is a skill that can be developed over time. Make an effort to practice it regularly in your daily life, such as during conversations with friends, family, or colleagues. Over time, mindful listening can become a habit that improves your relationships and communication skills.